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...I wAnT tO bE tRuE tO MySelF fOr YoUr SaKe...

♥♫♥yOu ArE mY lOvE_TVfXQ_yOu ArE mY SoUl♥♫♥

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Our Long Way… Only Leads To You…
Title: Our Long Way… Only Leads To You…

Length: oneshot

Genre: drama (?)

Pairing: hint of YunJae

Summary: How did the lively Kim Jaejoong spend his little vacation at Whitehorse, the capital of Yukon, Canada? How was the ever-so cheerful Kim Junsu feeling while he was in Australia, The Land Down Under? And was the rather optimistic Park Yoochun able to keep is façade as he chose to stay in Korea?

Author: geenjae

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Warning: This is only a fanfic and the events only happened in my mind.

♫The long way of the wind and the sand that continues till far, far away
Living is like a journey, and we can get lost sometimes, but
Just listen to the voice in our hearts and
Let’s go on believing the way we can see when we close our eyes♫

Sitting on the snow with a dog on his right, the lead singer of TVXQ was gazing at the blue sky above him. Although his surrounding was quite peaceful, his heart and mind was actually in chaos. His heart was feeling lonely and cold despite the thick winder outfit that he was wearing, while his mind asked him to just enjoy the trip while it last.

He decided to listen to the voice in his heart and sighed. He knew that entertaining the voice would only cause him more pain, but ignoring it would be even worse. After all, the truth hurts and he actually has a one heck of an honest heart; a pure one at that.

‘My journey has been a very rocky one after making that decision,’ Jaejoong thought to himself. ‘Did I make the right decision? My members… they’re hurting. The fans, everyone, they’re also in pain. So, should I keep on being selfish and continue to fight? Would it still be worth it in the end, when it’s already too late to turn back and regret it?’

“Aren’t you cold?”

The voice shook him out of his thoughts and looked up to its owner.

“Not really,” he answered with a smile. He, then, tapped the snow on his left, a gesture that told the other to sit beside him.

The latter obliged and joined his friend on the snow. “Be careful or you’ll drown in your own deep thoughts,” the younger warned.

“Yeah, right.” Jaejoong rolled his eyes. Although he looks slightly annoyed, he was actually thankful that his close friend agreed to join him on his trip. Kim Hyunjoong, the leader of SS501, can definitely read him just like the back of his own hands and he understands him the most.

Hyunjoong scooted closer to his friend and placed his numb legs over the latter’s own numb ones. “Warm enough?”

“It’s rather heavy,” the latter faked a groan, which earned him a light chuckle from the younger.

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?” Hyunjoong ‘readied’ himself on tickling his friend but noticed that the melancholic look on the latter’s face did not fade. “Hey, you can always tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you. And I have a feeling that this one’s a serious matter.”

Jaejoong looked away and shook his head. “No, it’s fine.”

The younger palmed his hyung’s face which made him look back at him. The young leader’s heart broke when he saw how red and watery the elder’s eyes were, an indication that he’s holding back all his pain and tears. “It already broke you to this point, so it’s not fine.”

The beautiful man froze for a second before his breath hitched. When a sob escaped his trembling lips, he felt strong arms wrap around him and felt rather safe. The embrace was warm and comforting. But he could easily tell that the embrace was very different from what his soul was craving for.

“Shh.” Hyunjoong pressed the elder’s head on his chest as he caressed the latter’s dyed hair. He tightened his hold on his friend when the sobs grew louder and placed a comforting kiss on the top of his head, whispering ‘it’s alright, I’m here’ every now and then.

“I’m lost, Hyunjoong-ah,” Jaejoong finally spoke. “I’m so lost. I can’t find my way back. I want to go back, but I just can’t. It’s already too late. We’re already like this. Everything is all blurry now, I’m starting to forget! I don’t want to forget! I don’t want to lose all the memories I had with them! I can’t move one, I don’t want to move on! I simply… love them…”

The younger leveled his face to Jaejoong’s and looked at him straight in the eyes. “Don’t say that. I’m here, we’re here. As long as we’re together, as long as you’re not alone, you’d find your way. Listen to your heart, Hyung. It will lead you to the place where you belong; the place that will give you peace and comfort. It will lead you back to them… to him.”

Jaejoong has not yet calmed down and still had tears on his face as he listened to his friend’s words. “Stay strong, Hyung. I know you’re not really forgetting those precious memories of them. You’re simply blinded by the pain right now. But don’t let this falter your heart and your faith. They’re not giving up, so why should you? If ever you’re tired, tell me. I’ll help you.”

He, once again, embraced the latter, as he ran soothing circles upon the other’s back. “You gave me strength when I was down, Hyung. Now, let me do the same for you. I’ll be your strength and I’ll make sure that you will soon smile with the others.”

‘Kim Jaejoong,’ the younger thought, ‘you look like a lost kid. Just listen to your heart, Jae-hyung, and you’ll never get lost. I t will also light up the path that you thought you were travelling on blindly. Your heart can do wonders, Hyung. A heart that is purer that gold, itself, is in your possession.’

The crying man lifter his head and looked at his friend. “Do you think that I’ll be able to see them again and have our family complete once more?”

Hyunjoong smiled as he wiped the elder’s tears away. “Think of them and close your eyes. Remember…”

The latter gave him a confused look but decided to comply. He slowly closed his eyes with nothing else in his heart and mind but his ‘family’. And there, within his closed eyes and calmly beating heart, he saw a heavenly portrait of them. Junsu was grinning as he held an laughing Yoochun by the waist. Jaejoong, himself, was safely secured by the embrace of both his soulmate and baby maknae. And his other half was behind the mentioned maknae, smiling. Although Changmin was in the way, Jaejoong and Yunho were looking at each other dearly as their hands were intertwined behind their love-child.

Hyunjoong notice the smile forming on his friend’s face and felt relieved. He, then, leaned down and whispered “Believe in what your heart is showing you.”

Jaejoong, for the first time during the trip, gave out a true smile. “I promise not to forget.”

♫Soon, the path will bring many encounters, and
Someday in some place, we can see our dreams again
Even though no one understands the truth, we’re not lying to ourselves, so
Have pride♫

After their plane landed, Junsu did not waste time and immediately started his sight-seeing when morning came. The staffs were really impressed by his energy and enthusiasm. He was all smiles! But his mind was actually sorting out a different case. ‘What am I going to do here by myself? Is going alone really ok? I’m a bit lonely…’

“Jun-chan, we’ll start filming now,” one of the staffs reminded him.


The first location was Rocks Area of Sydney City. As he was walking around and had a little chat with the cameraman, he also admired the tall buildings within the said area. They were actually on their way for a cruise that Junsu has only dreamt of before.

After the cruise, they went to Gap Park to see nature’s beauty. Having the impression that Sydney is a busy city, the young singer was surprised to find such beautiful sceneries that are actually made by nature, herself. He can’t help but think of the others and the words ‘if I could come here with the members, it would be even better’ slipped out of his lips.

When they reached the cliff by the sea with a lighthouse close by, he was, again, amazed. But the beautiful nature in front of him only made him melancholic. He decided to sit at the edge of the cliff and gazed at the horizon where the sea and the sky met. He heard the staffs asking him to be careful, that it was dangerous.

‘I’m in the country that I only dreamt of before. But I kinda feel… empty. The others should’ve been here. We could’ve seen the sunrise or the sunset together and look for that purple line; OUR purple line. Then again, I am alone. So why am I here? It’s my dream to be here, yeah. But I didn’t expect myself to be here… alone. I’ve always imagined myself in this place with my four brothers. I’ve always imagined coming to this place with the members that I love and actually share unforgettable memories with them.’

‘Being here now, I can’t feel real happiness in me. Then, if that’s the case, what is my REAL dream? Have I lost it as the time passed by? How about the other members? Do they still have their dreams? Have they lost them all? If so, then what will become of them? Of me? Of US?’

After a few minutes of walking, they found a place where there was a good view of the seaport. There were a lot of boats, yachts and ships. It was the perfect location for the interview.

“Was learning Japanese hard?”

Junsu was able to answer the question truthfully with his heart. He honestly said that it even took them about an hour to memorize a quote that is only one minute long. He also mentioned their very memorable stage at Budokan. Strangely, the image of them singing and crying on stage was already engraved deep in his heart.

Then, he paused.

“If I was alone, I would’ve given up already. But because the members were around…” He was unable to finish his answer as he was trying hard to bite back the stinging in his eyes. Instead, he only let the words linger in his mind, unable to be voiced out.

‘They gave me strength and made me go forward. They helped me through everything and we’ve been together for so long that being with them is already like breathing.’

When they went to Bondi Beach, the singer was in high spirits. “It will be fun to come here with the members. No doubt, I feel lonely by myself right now. Before, I would always have the members by my side. And suddenly, I’m alone.”

There, he met new people, tried foreign dishes and played on the beach. To others, he was enjoying himself; the perfect picture of pure innocence and joy. But to him, it was only for distraction.

Before the trip ends, the Japanese staffs brought him to the Sydney Opera House as a surprise. Of course, the man was awed by its beauty and he was grateful to the staffs. He dreamt of performing there before. And although he’s not there to perform, just a little tour in it was enough to make him smile.

Somehow, the Japanese staffs were also able to get the approval of the Opera House’s head management and security to let the singer stand on stage. Such a thing was usually not allowed due to the strict security within the place. But it seems like a certain Kim Junsu just got himself on Lady Luck’s good side.

While on stage, the singer kept on walking around and was unable to hide his fascination towards the place. He kept on saying “wah” and “amazing”. Since stepping onto the stage was such a great honor, gawking was the thing that the workers there expected. But they did witness what they least expected on seeing on that very day.

After being fascinated by the place, Junsu started to sing. Every soul within the area turned their attention towards him. It was not due to the unfamiliarity of the song since it was in Korean. Instead, it was due to the angelic voice that echoed throughout the whole place. They were all stunned and amazed by the singer. Never in their lives have they heard such wonderful voice and saw how the singer’s soul is being bared on stage.

On the other hand, Junsu was unaware of his audience. He was totally engulfed in singing his heart out. The overflowing love for music took over and his desire to sing got even stronger. And his longing for the other members to be by his side made him sing even more, as if doing so would make everything right again; back to the way their ‘family’ was complete and happy.

Before the trip officially ends, they had another interview session in Junsu’s hotel room. He answered the questions casually and joyfully. But when he was asked regarding his four friends…

“I do feel lonely by myself. But on the other hand, I was able to relax because I was alone. And this was an important time to look back and reflect.”

During the flight, Junsu had a calm and satisfied smile on his face. He, then, closed his eyes and thought of all the things that had happened to him within the years that he was with his three beloved hyungs and one annoying yet adorable dongsaeng. During the good times and the bad times, they all held on and got through it together.

‘The members gave me strength and made me go forward. They helped me through everything. We’ve been together for so long that it feels like they are already a part of me.’

‘I love my members and I treasure the dreams that we share with one another. Although I was blinded by the loneliness in my heart and actually thought that I have lost my own dreams, Sydney made me realized that nothing has really changed. While I was on that stage, I saw them. My friends, my brothers, my family. And the dreams that they had before our debut up to now are still the same as mine. Plus, I realized something else. In every single dream that I have, I want them to be there with me. In every thought and plans that I’m going to make, I’d always want them to be by my side.’

‘Singing on that stage made me realize how much I love music because I have my four brothers to sing with me each and every time. And thinking about the four of them, the five of us, gave me doubts regarding the decisions that we made; decisions that separated the three of us from the two of them.’

‘But instead of regretting that things that are already said and done, I’m going to hold my head up and continue to pursue not only my dreams, but OUR dreams. And since I did nothing but be true to myself, then I’m going to have pride over myself, my members, the path that we chose, and the dreams that we’re nourishing in our hearts. Because even though things are not going the way we wanted, we’ll still be together, five forever.’

“Always, I believe myself,” he whispered.

“Jun-chan, did you say something?”

The singer only shook his head and smiled before closing his eyes again. With a calmly beating heart, a peaceful mind, and a lighter soul, he’ll keep on holding on.

♫So that we can smile at one another
The long rain, like tears, will stop and
I will sing a love song for you♫

When the cameraman finally stopped recording with his camera, the man in front of him gave out a sigh and said the words ‘thank you for your hard work’. The man, then, made his way towards the kitchen and prepared some sandwiches for himself and the Japanese fans.

“Yoochun-san, you don’t really have to do that,” one of the staffs said.

“Nah, you guys are my guests here in Korea so I have to take care of all of you.” Yoochun set the plate of sandwiches on the coffee table before he excused himself to his room. He entered the room with his beloved dog, Harang, right behind him, and then locked the door for some privacy.

The Alaskan malamute laid on his master’s bed with his head on top of his paws, looking at his master expectantly. Yoochun remembered the last time his Harang looked at him that way. In fact, it was not too long ago. It was when he locked himself in the same room for days and did nothing but cry.

At that time, Harang was his only companion; the only one who saw him weak. The dog seemed to understand him and comforted him as he tried to lick his tears away. But his tears didn’t seem on flowing, as if they were raindrops during a heavy storm.

But soon enough, he was able to stop the tears; just like the rain outside his window had ceased. He also noticed how Harang relaxed beside him when he stopped his crying. When he opened the door, he found his friends there. They were waiting for him all those while. And all those while, Jaejoong and Junsu were silently encouraging him to hold on and sharing their strengths with him.

Although Yunho and Changmin were not by his side to do what his two other friends were doing, he felt their love. Behind closed doors and away from the scrutinizing eyes of SM, they sent him messages of faith and hope. They did not decorate the messages with pretty words and sweet promises. Changmin’s were actually harsh and direct. But they were enough to make him feel the sincerity and trust that they have for all the members.

Yoochun was shook out of his little reverie when his dog let out a small whine. “What is it, Harangie? You want to listen to hyung’s new song?” With a joyful bark from his pet, he went to the piano opposite the bed and took a few breaths before letting his fingers to the magic.

The tune of the song was both joyful and soft. And when the young male started to sing, it was perfect. A song that is filled with hope, love and longing; a song that is dedicated to his family, TVXQ.

“I’m walking forward,” he declared to himself.

~The End~

Note: I apologize since Yoochun's part is very short. It's just, he didn't really say anything regarding the members when I watched the 3hree Voices DVD.
But please do leave a comment~ Thank you for reading!

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(Deleted comment)
haha. chunnie will pout at you!!! XPPP

(Deleted comment)
he'll devour you alive!!! >D

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